just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
