So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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