Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
