Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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