I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
