How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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