Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
