he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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