sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
