I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
