Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
