This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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