Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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