he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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