It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
