question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
