i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
