Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
