Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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