just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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