It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
