Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
