OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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