Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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