Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We don't watch enough power rangers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
