I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im six kinds of drunk right now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
