You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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