I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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