Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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