how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
