I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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