I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
