the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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