if i can run in heels then i can drive
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
