Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
