Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
