my vag is so smooth its legendary
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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