who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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