Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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