just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
