It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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