He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
