where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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