If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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