I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
