This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
