He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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