Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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