my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
