i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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