At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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