did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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