my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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