There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
