he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
