I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
