pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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