no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
