Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
