none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
