I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
